it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
