Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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