Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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