What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
