This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
