you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
