I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
