I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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