Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
