Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
