I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
