TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
