A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
