Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
