dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
