I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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