I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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