the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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