I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
