Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the room spins SO much faster in panama
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize