so explain again why im purple
no
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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