FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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