I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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