The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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