I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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