I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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