So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The air was thick with penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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