ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
