dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
