He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
