it wasn't lemon gatorade
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
