you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My vagina is officially offended.
I touched a dick in church today
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
