Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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