ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
