My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
