Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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