i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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