the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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