He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
