i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
