My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
