i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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