just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
