I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
