glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
