I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A bitchslap is in order.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
