so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
