This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
