Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will pee on everything he values.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize