get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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