so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
