The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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