If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
