OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
