i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
