Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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