I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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