I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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