try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
