watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
now i know why i became what i already was.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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