Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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