That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
