Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
