Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
