im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
