the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
no you cant smoke seaweed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
