Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
