I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
