We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
