chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Found your dick twin last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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