you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
