But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
