between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
