we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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