Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
