I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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