I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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