Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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