i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
