Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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