Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
