I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am spending my child support on dildos
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sober January is a disaster.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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