woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
