we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
