I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
