I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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