dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
