You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
