what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
