He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
