Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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