So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Soap is not a condiment
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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