If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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