White coat. Heels.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
