I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My balls are so social today.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
