youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your cock deserves a montage
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
