My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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