I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
