I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
