we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
