I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
