Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
