I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize